Weirdness for Jak

I have been playing Jak, a formery Army medic, in a World of Darkness game for a while now. This game has gone through several transformations (including a 6 month hiatus and almost dying an untimely death) and Jak has been through a lot of WEIRD stuff. The game is currently a mixed genre setting, with a blend of base books being used.

An update since my last Jak report: The game USED to be set in Chicago and is now in Austin, TX. TallBoy is in the game but playing a new character, and Tom is still playing the Hobo(but improved). There are a number of other people involved now.

Jak has been alone for a long time. Any family or close friends have been dead for a while. So Jak depends on himself. Jak has a very simplistic approach to life- he can fix it or fight it. His longtime primary motivation had been to heal things, or attempt to make them better. If he wasn't able to do that, THEN it was time to crack some heads. He's a simple guy, really.

For about 6 months now, he's been forced to re-think this strategy. Jak doesn't deal with changes well, and reacts even LESS well to radical changes in philosophy. As a rule, if he doesn't understand something or something is outside his sense of immediacy, he tends to ignore it. Stuff that invades his life or his head usually makes him break out into fits of violence.

Jak was never intended to be a combat monster, but I discovered very quickly that he is a fighting machine. So his violence is usually VERY effective. And messy.

Lately, all kinds of things have been breaking into Jak's life and head that have been driving him to the verge of insanity. Jak is a little unbalanced anyway- he hasn't had a night without a nightmare in years. He's killed with his bare hands. He knows he has an explosive temper. So Jak decided to find a nice safe outlet for his frustration and found a fight club. Jak's done it before, and thought he knew GENERALLY what to expect...

but I keep forgetting this is Squirl's game, and things are always a little sideways from the norm. Jak apparently discovered the local werewolf "playground"- the place to vent steam, let off aggression, and not have outside questions or interference.

Problem is, Jak is human. He's the only non-supernatural being in the entire game at the moment.

Jak has somehow managed to win both the fights he's been in, which amuses the heck out of me- I laughed the whole way home that I kicked a werewolf's butt. But Jak has no clue this is going on. He just goes, and fights, and walks away the winner.

Jak is dealing with a lot right now- he recently moved across the country and since he moved, he has had TWO good dreams. AND not just happy, something is going right dreams- IMMENSELY good, exceptionally vivid dreams about things in his life that are so close to real, Jak can't tell if they happened or not.

He's seeing things. He's feeling weird. He found himself wanting to make friends- and actively took steps to do so. Jak asked a girl out on a date- something I never imagined Jak being willing to do (bad track record with women...). Jak is starting to evolve... Jak is freaking out.... and I am loving it.

I am being asked to step out of my comfort zone, deal with things, and really "be" Jak inside this little world. Jak is annoyed beyond belief and even more than a little angry, but *I* love this. It's why I game. I can't wait to see what happens next!

Action, Driving, Adventure, Exhaustion

I returned Friday from my trip. The trip was long. I learned a lot- mostly, that 4 hours on my own in the car is about my limit; and that I do not ever want to leave the kids for that long again. (Until they are grown or something. I am not obsessive.)


I was SO proud of myself. I drove there (4 hours) all by myself- to somewhere I had never been before, with directions from Google. My experience with Google directions is that they are usually right on either distances OR street/highway names- but very rarely BOTH at the same time. Despite that, I got there in one piece and DID NOT GET LOST!

Later in the week, I decided to be adventurous, and drove to a suburb of Cincinnati. I yet again drove all the way there by myself, with Google directions, and DID NOT GET LOST! I had a wonderful time in Cincinnati visiting with an "online friend" and paid a visit to one of the very nicest stamp stores I have ever seen.

I then returned to my hotel, on my own- without any written directions- Just "get off at "X" street" directions... AND DID NOT GET LOST!

I drove home, by myself, and while I *HAD* directions, I did not really need to use them until the middle of Indianapolis. Once I got past Indy, I knew the way home, and I made it safe and sound. I did NOT get lost.

I have to say that all this excitement is a little more than I am used to, and way more than I want to engage in regularly. I was worn out for the whole weekend after I got home!

My dog was so happy to see me he ran in circles, barked a bunch (very rare in the house anymore), licked me to pieces, and then laid in my lap.

My kids attacked me. The Dude was VERY glad to have me home. I am glad to be home.

Gulp

Today, I drive 4 hours away to a place I have never been, by myself. I don't exactly know where I am going and I am very good at getting lost.

I will be gone until Friday afternoon and I have NEVER been away from the kids for more than a 2 day weekend.

It'll be ok, right?

For the Dude

Just an open letter, because I know he looks here.

You are an amazing man, and I adore you more every day.

You know I like to read that message board-it's a little like a soap opera and I am always interested in other people's lives.

Every day that I read it, I am strongly reminded of how LUCKY I am. I am reminded every day of my life, but seeing slices of other people's lives just reinforces how wonderful you are. I have a faithful, honest, hardworking, dedicated and loving man that showers me with love and respect.

I can honestly say that even the "grrr" stuff is not enough to warrant a vent there- you're just too good and I won't subject you to the wrath of all those women that aren't in our situation.

Even on the weird or not so good days, I have a "strange relationship that's worth holdin' on 2" and I am glad for your presence in my life.

You light me up and make me feel so special, so important, so central to your life. You praise the stuff I do right and pick me up and dust me off when I fall down on the job. You hold me when I am all wrecky and encourage me when I need it. You remind me of how big & tough I am, and how I can handle anything, as long as

I have you.



I am beyond blessed and I am so glad that you are my best friend and my husband... and that I quit looking at FNM, took a chance, and kissed you.

(me/yours)

Constant State of Undone

So my life has taken a crazy and weird turn. No matter how much I'm prepared, no matter how much I plan, I never feel like I'm ready for the week ahead. I haven't been able to relax in my "normal" ways in a long time.

I haven't been able to let my guard down - to truly let myself go- in months. I tried to make cards, or scrapbook a couple weeks ago and nothing I did worked. I couldn't let go of the pit of fear, or the anxious knowing no matter what I did.

It's tiring and I'm trying to be positive. I could have a million other things to worry about, but I can't stop obsessing on the ones I am dealing with.

Bridges

Last year about this time, I posted some pictures from my drive to work. At the time, there was an overpass/bridge that was being worked on and replaced. The actual bridge going over the highway was completely gone and the shoring on the side was being strengthened.

Last year, it didn't really affect me much. The bridge and overpass were at a different exit and with the exception of slower traffic for a couple miles, the bridge being out did not have any impact on my life.

This year, the exit and overpass I use to get onto the highway are being replaced. This means that I can't get where I want to go without a lot of hassle. I have to drive 10 extra miles to get to the highway. There's a large amount of delay going in either direction near my exit so I have to allow extra time as well as extra driving.

These bridges were not in good shape. They weren't well maintained. Over time, their strengths, supports and shoring had eroded and they weren't safe to use.

I'm learning that if you take good care of your bridges and maintain them, you can get where you want to go without lots of hassles. It's easier to keep maintenance than it is to tear something down and start all over.

The bridges in my life are slowly getting on the maintenance schedule rather than the replacement one.

Not enough naps

I need a few more than I am getting.


It's a little fun, though.